Thursday 5 June 2014

Feeling stressed

Have you ever felt so stressed that its hard to breathe? I have never had panic attacks, but I am pretty sure I was panicking and struggled to breathe recently. Things have gone wrong this week. Like really wrong, where I thought I could not handle things, I was having negative thoughts, so much so I was thinking dying, and being with Josh would be better off.  Of course this is crazy talk. I have tried to commit suicide twice, not that I tell people about it. But I have. The last time I tried it was very scary, as I could have easily slipped away. I know this is a heavy topic, but I am writing this blog for myself, I have never said these words aloud.
 I over react. I don't mean too. It's me. I have taught myself not to vent, message or ring if someone says or does something against me. This week, I read something (why the hell do I go on facebook for, when I deleted it) and I reacted to it. I thought I was doing the right thing. Nah, not nada! I should not have bothered. Future me, please remember how this feeling feels right now. I have been awake since 12:30 am.  My stomach was doing sumersaults and back flips all at once. I ended up being sick.. I have been lethargic all day, and I am pretty sure I lost a "friend" over what I did. 

In saying how stressed I feel, we have some exciting things happening in our lives right now. I can't wait to share them on my blog, but for now, I need to remain mum! 
Until next time