A time to reflect

 The 17th of February is a sad day for Williams family. Three years ago, the police were waiting for us to get home from school to tell us That News.. The news that changed our lives forever.

The policeman asked me to take the children inside. I was feeling very nervous, as I had a feeling that this wouldn't be a happy conversation. He told me that there had been an accident and that Josh was involved. Just as he was about to say something else, Jordan poked his head out the window, and asked "mum, whats for afternoon tea" "fruit" I said. I really wanted the policeman to take me to the hospital to see Josh, why were we waisting time, chit chatting out the back. Josh needed me to be by his side.

Then the policemen went on to say that news. " I am sorry Mrs Williams. But Josh has passed away"

I let out a scream. I think. The neighbour said it was a blood curdling noise, and she came running. My children came running. I seen them, and took them inside, and said "Sorry guys, the policeman just told me Daddy was in an accident. He's in hospital, we might go and see him later."

Stuff the fruit, I thought, they can have ice cream. So I gave them a billabong, and went back out side.

The policeman was still there. I didn't believe what he said. I told him that. In fact, I said, "it could be Nigel, he may have drove home."

But with that the policeman pulled out Josh's business card. It had his name on it. He told me he had spoken to Nigel, and that he was OK. I knew then it was Josh driving. The policeman told me there was 2 trucks involved, and Josh's car. Josh was the only fatality.

I waited to my friend Alicia came, then my mum and sister and niece Rebecca, before I even thought of telling the children. That was the hardest job of all. How do explain to your young boys aged 3 and 8 that Daddy is never comin home. What about his little princess Larni, who idolised her dad aged just 7,  how was she going to cope with out her beloved daddy..I just held them all together and told them what happened. They all sobbed, and everyone in the room turned there heads away, even the two policeman. We were all crying. It was incredibly hard then, and incredibly hard now to even remember that afternoon.

The next few hours are a blur. People came. They sat with me. They sat with the kids. Someone took the kids out to get them McDonald's. Later I found out they had coke with there meals. That was the first time they had EVER had coke. They were very hyper after that!

Finally, the policeman told me that it was time to identify Josh's body. I wanted to do it, I needed to do it, as I didn't quiet believe it. It couldn't be true. Josh was a healthy 32 year old man. He couldn't just die. Surely this was a joke.

The walk down the back corridors of the Nambour hospital, felt like the longest walk I have ever walked.

Finally, I got to see my sweetheart. He was lying so perfectly still. He hadn't been cleaned up. The doctor, policeman and a few nurses tryed getting me to wait, while they did this, but I needed to see him. He looked,as he looked as he died. So very surprised. His beautiful blue eyes still opened. I identified him. And I spent some time with him. I stroked his face, and kissed him. And I promised to look after his babies as best as I could on my own.

I am writing this post, so I don't forget what happened that day. As the years roll by, there are things I have forgotten. As hard as this post was to write, (and even for some of his family and friends to read) I needed to write it down, its almost therapeutic. also its for our children, who have asked many times what happened that day. The inquest has not been held into his accident. Its still on the waiting list. This is what I do know. Josh was travelling on the road, doing below the speed limit. When he screamed out, and his workmate Nigel looked up he seen a bull bar of a truck coming through the windscreen. The truck ran over the right side of Josh's car, and hit the truck head on that was travelling behind Josh. The truck that was at fault was coming down the hill at speed, on the wrong side of the road. Nigel told me Josh was dead on impact. I believe this to be true.

As much as this post is about Josh's death, I  want to remember him when he was alive, to keep his memory alive, so his children never forget the person he was.

xx